"The ref screwed me." "My coach didn't prepare me right." "My teammates don't push me hard enough." "The seeding was unfair." "They got lucky."

Every excuse feels justified in the moment, and we can always justify blame. Each one-liner builds on each other like a pyramid, eventually isolating you at the top. When we blame someone else for what we failed to own, we hand them our power. Failure is scary, if not terrifying. And I get it. As a wrestler for Team USA for over a decade, I had my own fear of failure and moments where I lacked of ownership over my career. I created situations for myself that were obstacles; the excuse that someone else had “more talent,” “more resources,” or even “a more ideal body type for wrestling” only left me alone and isolated with my world view. Never did that perspective help me shift towards the wrestler I wanted to become, only away.

As athletes, we all have our fears—those little voices in our heads that say, “What if I mess up?” or “What if I lose?” Whether it’s freezing up on the mat, letting ourselves down, or worrying about disappointing our coaches, fear is something we wrestle with every day. And the truth is, it doesn’t just go away as you get better at the sport. In fact, those fears can get louder. But here’s the game-changer: you don’t have to get rid of them. You just have to learn how to live with them.